Suthen-ism’s

28 09 2009

Now usually when we get those special emails with the letters “Fwd:” in the subject line, we all groan. But recently, my boss, a dear Southern lady, sent me this and the only reason you’ll be groaning is with recognition of yourself, relatives, or some other Southerner you might know.

So if I had each and every one of your emails, I’d send this to you right away for a mid-morning distraction from work treat, but since I don’t, I’ll share with you this way.

Come on now, we know these are all of us…

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
_____

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20
_____

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now…… Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

==========================

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know everybody’s first name:

Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl’stn
S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N’awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

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